I Try to Live by Your Words
by ICanHearColors
Summary: Italy is has been acting strange lately, and everyone is pointing fingers at Germany. One thing leads to the next, and the next might be Italy's death. Rated M to be safe and I might get the help of my friends to make it a real M rated fan fiction! Enjoy! As you guys dhould know, I dont own Hetalia.
1. Chapter 1

I Try to Live By Your Words

Chapter One

Germany quietly did his work in abnormal silence while Italy stared out of the window. Italy stayed quiet for about three weeks now and it's been driving Germany insane. Italy was no longer smiling and bringing joy to this big and lonely household. He wouldn't look Germany in the eyes and his physical appearance seemed more masculine. He's also been getting nightmares to the point where Germany's house is filled with earsplitting screams and cries at night. So Italy stopped sleeping at his Germany's house. But this only worried him more. He's stopped possessing that joyous aura that he always brought with him. He's even stopped making pasta, this put Germany further on the edge.

But Italy was always found at Germany's house. He never talked to Germany, but he was still there, just lingering. And he was usually looking out that very window.

Germany lifted his head from his work to see Italy still staring out of the window. He was getting really worried about his behavior and he was ready to question it. He got up from his desk and went up to Italy to touch his shoulder. But he stopped when to doorbell rang. He flinched at the sudden noise almost touching his shoulder. It was then that Germany was actually intimidated by this abrupt change and that it actually hurt.

He gave Italy a worried look, not that he would notice, and walked to the door. When he opened the door he saw Romano, France, Russia, Japan, and Prussia.

"Hello!" they all greeted with forced smiles.

"Oi West! I heard Feli is in the pit of depression! You're lucky, I'm here to cure him with my awesomeness!" the ex-nation boasted.

"What did you do to my little brother you damn potato bastard!" Romano angrily yelled. Germany flinched at his words.

_It might have been my fault" _he thought.

"I made Itary some pasta, though it might not be as good as his," Japan sheepishly said with a smile. Germany smiled and opened the door wider to let Italy's friends inside.

"Danke." Germany led them to his office, wondering if it really was his fault.

"I hope little Italy is okay!" France dramatically said.

"Yeah! We can't have a depressed Italy! We should cheer him up with Vodka, da~!" Russia said with a smile, though he actually sounded worried.

_Italy has some great friends. I'm happy for him. But where did they here that Italy was acting abnormally? _Germany walked at a faster pace to his office.

When he got there he opened the door and let them inside the silent office. The all sat around the hypnotized Italy. They gave each other worried looks when they saw Italy's muscular back and darker hair. Japan get nervous because of the silence so he tried to get Italy's attention.

"Herro Italy, I b-brought some pasta for you!" Italy just continued staring out the window. Romano scowled at Italy. Prussia smirked and got up to touch his shoulder. Italy flinched at the rough grab.

"Hey Feli! Want to hear something awesome!" Italy slowly tore his eyes away from the oh so interesting outside to look at the arrogant albino. Everyone gasped at the sight of Italy.

"What?" he said harshly with annoyance. Italy's eye's seemed to be a different color. His usually happy amber eyes were now an angry crimson red.

Prussia gasped and stumbled back as Gilbird chirped. Italy expressed his annoyance with a rude "Hmph" and glued his eyes back at the window. Everyone gave Germany a scared and worried look. But Romano gave him a scared and angry glare.

"What the hell did you do to my b-brother, y-you damn potato b-bastard?" he managed to whisper. Everyone else was wondering the same thing.

End of Chapter 1

**So~ How did I do? Thank you for reading! ^_^ **


	2. Chapter 2

I Try to Live by Your Words

Chapter Two

France went up to Italy with a shaky smile, and Russia got out his pipe, Just in case.

"Um, Italy, iz there something wrong? You know, you could tell me anyzing," France tried to assure him. He lightly put his hand on Italy's head like he used to when Italy was just a small country. Italy quickly got up and slapped the damned French hand off of him.

"No, damn it! I never asked for you half-assed company, so why are you here?" the raged Italian yelled with fiery eyes. He shot daggers at everyone with his crimson eyes until he laid them on his scared big brother and ally. He softened his eyes for a second then went back to his drastic state. He looked at floor with sweaty fists. He began to storm out of the stuffy office until Romano grabbed his hand.

"Hold on Vene-" Italy got behind the southern part of Italy and forced his arm behind his back. The northern part was so fast that nobody in the room was able to truly comprehend what just happened.

"What! What is it! Just tell me so that you could get out of y face!" he harshly spat. Romano's eyes began to tear up, threatening to flood his cheeks. But he refused to let them, not in front of his little brother. Russia got up and tapped his pipe on Italy's shoulder.

"There's no need to fight, now is there? Now let us drink some Voldka, da~!" Italy looked at Russia with immense hatred that actually hurt the large country. Italy rudely 'tsk'ed and started to walking out of the room, until Japan bravely stood up and tried to give him the lasagna he made.

"I-Itary? You don't want any pasta?" he stammered. Italy turned around and slapped the Italian delight out of the small man's hands.

"ITALY!" Germany subconsciously yelled as he realized to mess Italy was making. Italy showed fear in his eyes for a quick second as he looked at to German. Then anger burned in his eyes with a passion.

"What do I have to do to get the simple message across! Leave. Me. Alone!" Everyone stared at Italy and then at the door as he harshly slammed it. They quietly listened to the angry stomps turn into light steps followed by faint sobs.

"Verdamnit," Germany quietly sighed. Everyone looked at Germany at the same time for an answer. Romano slowly turned around to face the stressed German, with tears of anger and fear. His hands shook violently and his sniffles were loud and uncontrollable. He shut his eyes to force the tears out and began pounding his hands on Germany's chest.

"W-what have you done t-to him? What did y-you fill his head with?" Romano stopped hitting him and looked into his eyes with deep hatred. " I will _never_ forgive you for hurting _my brother_!" The saddened blonde stared at the determined brunet, deep in thought.

"_Was it really me? Did I hurt Italy?" _he thought to himself. While in the middle of his thoughts, Romano pounced on the pre-occupied German, chocking him and hitting his head against the tile floor. Germany did nothing to stop him which encouraged the Italian further. He punched him with more strength the German thought he had in him. Germany began seeing stars until Prussia and Japan pulled Romano off of him.

"Wait Romano-san! Let Germany exprain a few things first!" Japan yelled. As he held Romano back, Prussia ran up to his injured little brother.

"Don't be mad at hi,. He's just worried about his bruder," the ex-nation whispered. Germany nodded in agreement. He got up, suddenly feeling pain in his jaw, neck, and head. Romano continued staring at Germany as Japan led him to the opposite side of the room.

After everyone settled down, France broke the silence.

"How and zwhen did dear Italy begin ziz behavjuor ?" Germany glanced at everyone in the room and then at the ground. Germany didn't answer the question for a long time and everyone tensed at the long abnormal silence.

"It vahz about za month ago," he whispered, and everyone somewhat relaxed at the broken silence. "Vhen he started refusing to make or eat pasta." Everyone started worrying again. "Zen about zree vweeks ago, he started having nightmares more frequently. He vwould scream so loud at night. I haven't heard screams like that since World War 2. After about two dayz, he stopped sleeping here." Romano stopped looking angry and began getting worried and scared.

"Th-three weeks ago? Italy never set foot at home in three weeks," Romano shakily informed. Everyone tensed while Russia tried to maintain composure and Gilbird chirped in surprise.

Where has Italy bee sleeping?

Germany immediately got up to look for Italy and everyone else followed. They desperately searched every room on every floor, until they reached Germany's room.

They saw Italy sitting on his knees with his eyes closed and clenching onto something towards his chest that nobody could quiet identify, yet. Then they saw something glistened under the sun shining through the open window of Germany's room.

Italy was holding a dagger to his throat.

The birds outside began screaming, as if warning everybody that was inside.

"Italy," Romano shakily whispered, afraid to startle his brother and make him cut himself. Italy quickly opened his eyed and stood up to look at the intruders. He bravely pointed the dagger at his friends.

"Get back!" he bravely and harshly yelled. Romano and Germany stepped towards Italy and he began backing away from them with hatred in his eyes.

"I don't care if I get hurt," Romano slowly whispered.

"Just put zhe dagger down Italy" Germany told him, getting closer, and Italy kept backing away. Then he held the sharp object to his own neck once again.

"Get. Back," he warned. Romano and Germany stopped immediately, but Italy still kept inching backwards. Then Italy stumbled on the open window. Everyone gasped but Germany and Romano ran up to the window to try and catch the one they care about.

"No Italy!"

"Don't fall!"

"ITALY!"  
_No._

**~End of Chapter 2**

**How did I do? Thank you to all of the people that favorite and reviewed! I appreciated it and it drove me to type all of the previously written text. XD I thank you once again! **

"If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven't danced in the rain." 


	3. Chapter 3

I Try to Live by Your Words

Chapter Three

Germany quickly went to the window to catch Italy. He stuck his hand out of the window only to get cut by the falling dagger Italy left behind. Romano quickly follow afterwards, but was too late. Way too late. Germany and Romano looked out of the fourth story window to see Italy unconscious, on the cement ground, in a growing pool of blood. Everyone, but the two, ran downstairs to get the injured country some medical help. The other two were to shocked to move.

They heard clutter and yelling, but they both stayed there in shock. When Japan and Russia went over to Italy, they seemed to have woken up from their astonishment. Germany and Romano clumsily ran down the stair with wobbly, nervous legs.

By the time they got down stairs, the ambulance was already there to pick up Italy. They put on a neck braced and propped him onto a stretcher that was quickly stained with blood. Germany's dogs bared in curiosity, but Germany ignored them.

Italy and a doctor went inside of the back of the ambulance and Romano quickly followed. Germany tried to get inside too but he was immediately stopped by Romano's glare. His brown eyes held shock and anger that were clouded by tears of shame and fear. He was ashamed by the fact that he wasn't there for his little brother.

"Don't come in your damned potato bastard!" he yelled. "It's-it's you're damn fault!" he harshly spat. A doctor closed the doors as Romano cried in his hands and whispered, "It's all your fault."

Everyone watched the ambulance quickly leave with its sirens on. With every foot that it got farther from Germany, that more of Germany's heart was broken.

_Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Idiot. Fool. Ungrateful bastard. You hurt him. His innocent soul, tainted, because of you. Your scum, how could you do this to him? You're better off dead. __**DEAD!**_A voice in Germany's head yelled. They continuously yelled without mercy until they were interrupted when he felt pain in his arm.

He quickly, on instinct, pulled his arm away from the offender. He looked at his arm to see it wrapped with blood seeping through the gauzes. He looked to his caretaker, who was a female doctor that was left behind, and thanked her.

"You're welcome sir. Now what's your name?" she asked as she put the supplies back into her first aid kit.

"Um, Ludwig," Germany nervously half-lied. Nobody is suppose to know that they are countries except for the government and other countries.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Like the pianist!" Germany did not answer for he was still in deep shock. The doctor sighed and stood up from her uncomfortable kneeling position. "Mr. Ludwig, we need to take you to my office to give you stitches." She looked towards the direction that the ambulance went. "Since they left," she held out her hand with a smile, "we're going to have to take your car!" Germany looked at her blankly as she held out her hand for his car keys.

"You don't think that I'm going to let you drive!"

Germany put his hand in his pocket and fished his keys out. She happily took the car keys and turned to the other stunned countries.

"Hi, I'm , I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you guys to come with us so we could discuss what happened." They all woke up from their shock and looked at each other.

"Um, there iz no need for zat. I'll explain in zhe car," Germany said as he lightly grabbed the doctor's shoulder from behind. She looked up at him and smiled in understanding. "I'm s-sorry about the unfortunate event during y-your visit, but-" Germany looked down, unable to continue on with his apology, for he was trying his best to hold in his tears.

_Nice job dommkopf. You probably killed him, and you're not even guilty about it. _Germany's inner voices were again interrupted, but this time by his big brother.

"Kesesesese!" he nervously hissed. "No need to apologize, West! B-But know the awesome me will b-be here for you, so don't cry! Okay?" Germany's eyes widened and he quickly looked at his brother. He touched his cheeks and felt hot tears flooding them. Everyone, except for the smiling doctor, looked away so Prussia could comfort his little brother.

The albino ruffled his once slicked back hair , into a mess and softly wiped his brother's tears with a fist, as if punching him.

"Now let the awesome doctor take you to the hospital," Prussia said as he turned his brother to the female. Germany looked at her with an apologetic looked as he waved her over to his car and Prussia told the othe countries to leave. They both stepped into the silver 2008 Audi R8 car and the air tensed as turned on the engine. As soon as they left the driveway the doctor asked in a serious tone,

"Now tell me, what is the boy's name and what happened to him?" Ryleigh kept her eyes on the road as Germany looked at her in surprise. He looked out the window to find something to distract himself from answering the question. He sighed at the question, not wanting to answer it, but did anyways.

"Fe-Felinciano iz his name." Germany paused thinking about what he should say. "Ve…. His friends vere looking for him. Vhen we found him.. he vas going to commit….."

"Suicide," the doctor finish in a hard tone. Germany nodded as he put his arm on the arm rest and rested his head in his head.

"Ve tried to stopped him. But he vas scared and backed away from us…. into the window."

_Because of you you ass! Your probably happy about this, right? Your house no longer smells of tomatoes! You no longer have to save him or have to tie his shoes! Your ally. Your friend. The only one you loved._

Germany's eyes widened at this thought.

"Italy? L-loved?" he whispered as a lone tear rand down his cheek.

This is going to be a long ride.

**~ How did I do? That you for the review and favorites and stuff! I accept them like Skittles! ^_^ Thank you!**

**Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby.**


	4. Chapter 4

I Try to Live by Your Words

Chapter Four

looked at Germany in concern and turned her eyes of worry back to the road. They rode in uncomfortable silence as Germany tried to fight the inner voices that were spouting words of discourage and blame that deeply hurt the unexpectedly emotionally sensitive country.

_Your love killed by your own hands! Hahah!_

After about an hour of unspoken agony, the doctor smiled as she drove into the parking lot of the hospital.

"Were here!" she said as she parked and turned off the engine. Germany grunted in response and opened his eyes, ready to get the stitches over with. The doctor eagerly ran to Germany's door and opened it for him. He hesitantly stepped out with his head down and saw drops fall onto the pavement.

"Rain?" he thought to himself. At that moment, Germany felt a warm, wet sensation on his cheeks and he grunted in realization. "No, tears," he angrily thought. "Dummkopf."

"Are you alright, Mr. Ludwig?" Ryleigh asked with deep concern. Germany almost didn't answer since he wasn't used to the name.

"Uh, j-ja! I'm…. fine," he tried to assure her has he hastily tired to wipe the unwelcome tears.

"It's okay you know! He'll be fine, trust me! Believe it or not, there are surgeons that are better than me!" she said as an attempt to cheer up the saddened German. He looked at the abnormally young doctor and gave her a forced half smile. Though it was forced, and she knew it, she still blushed at the mesmerizing sight. She softly smiled back and lead him to her office that was in the emergency room.

When they got inside the cold environment, they saw Romano sitting with his hands holding his head and he silently sobbed to himself as he unintentionally got a lot of attention. ignored the grieving country, for needed to treat another.

The office was even colder due to the lack of people inside. It had the basic stuff in it. A bed, trash bins, sink, desk, posters, and a bunch of cabinets. The doctor went through the cabinet and gathered supplies onto a silver tray.

"Mr. Ludwig, may I see your arm?" the serious doctor lightly demanded. Germany subconsciously stretched out his left, unwounded arm. "Your injured arm, Mr. Ludwig," Amelia said. Germany snapped out of his thoughts and reluctantly stretched his bloody arm to the doctor. Amelia cut off the soiled gauzes and began to work on Germany's arm while Germany looked away and drowned in his inner voices words.

_You made Romano cry. You just love to hurt people, don't you?_

"Stop….." Germany quietly whispered.

_You give all Germans a bad name. Bad blood._

"Stop it…" Germany said a little louder.

_Why should I? So you could run away from the truth while you leave others to suffer from it. Not to mention the person you love and his brother. You don't deserve to live._

"Stop it!" the German cried, jerking his already stitched arm back. Ryleigh nervously chuckled and patted the sweaty German's knee.

"There's no need for me to. I'm already done!" she said, thinking that he was talking about her.

"No, it's just-" the blond tried to explain but was interrupted by the doctor's smile.

"Go out there and try to comfort the victim's loved one, okay?" she said with a smile.

"Victim? Victim of what?" Germany nervously thought.

_Attempted murder._

He and the doctor got out of the room and into the emergency room, where Romano was grieving by himself. Dr. Ryleigh went to the doctors behind the desk to talk and gossip.

Germany reluctantly sat next to the quiet brother who flinched at the sudden heat coming from Germany's body.

"U-um Roma- I mean Lovino, I'm uh, I'm sorry about vhat happened to Ita-"

"No you're not," Romano suddenly whispered, barely audiable.

"Excuse me?" the nervous German asked.

"Damn it Germany, I said you're not fucking sorry!" the angry brother yelled, attracting the attention of everyone in the room.

"B-but Lovino-"

"It's all your damn fault! I don't even know where my little brother has been sleeping! He never came home at all for so long, and I don't know where he's been. It's all. Your. Fault!" Romano spat while standing in front of Germany, teary eyed.

"Lovino wait-"

"Don't call me that-" Romano stopped yelling when he saw Spain run into the emergency room.

."A-Antonio!" Romano yelled.

"Lovi!" he worriedly yelled. Spain ran up to Romano and brought him into a deep embrace, and Romano hugged back shamelessly.

"How's the north tomato, Lovi?" he asked, deeply concerned.

"Um, Mr. Lovino?" someone said out of the blue. All three of the countires looked to the source of the voice to see a male doctor with a lot of blood on his scrubs.

Italy's blood.

Germany stiffened at the sight and Romano cried heavily into Spain's chest and he held him tightly. When Romano calmed his breathing, the blooded had to tell them the news.

"Mr. Lovino, Mr. Feliciano is alive, but he's in critical condition, and is currently on life support."

**~ End of Chapter 4**

**How'd I do? Please don't bite me!**

"**Should I smile because you're my friend, or should I cry because that's all you'll ever be?"**


	5. Chapter 5

Hey Guys, I am very sorry to say that I am no longer going to continue this story. I don't think this story is going anywhere. I sincerely apologize to those who were looking forward to a new chapter. But don't fret! I am making a new fanfiction right now. Look forward to it!


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